Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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