My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Where is the hickey?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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