I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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