Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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