Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
