just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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