The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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