i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
