Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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