I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
