Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
