Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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