you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
