mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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