Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
