I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
