I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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