He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
