Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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