would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
