i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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