I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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