Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
