dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
