I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
