Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
