a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
