I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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