it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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