Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
