doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
