I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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