he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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