Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
