I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
