she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
