so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Terrible idea I love it
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
