I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
