I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
