Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
