He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
