when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
