True but thats because hes a fetus.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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