obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
