You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
