Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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