so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
