through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
