It's like God shit irony all over that family
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
