i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he fucked my hip out of place.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
