just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
