my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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