eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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