I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
