I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
