The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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